I have been reflecting on the Gospel from John 21 in today's liturgy since my prayer group met last Tuesday evening. It is about Jesus asking Peter three times, "Simon, son of John, do you love me?" I wonder how Peter felt during this questioning. Surely, it must have been difficult for him to face Jesus. Jesus already knew that Peter truly did love him. I think perhaps he wanted Peter to realize or know it more deeply. Peter denied Jesus, however, he could still love him and serve him.
We, too, need to remember how merciful God is. As human beings we sin, we do stupid things, and we are sorry for failing in our love for God and others. It does not mean we love God less. It does mean that we need to learn from our mistakes and failings and turn to God for help, not turn away from God. We can search through prayer, reflection, and meditation to find that place in ourselves where we know how much we love Christ. It is in us!
Nine years ago, before I made my profession of vows, I made a 30-day Ignation Retreat based on the Spiritual Exercises of Saint Ignatius. It is a wonderful process of praying and reflecting on the Pascal Mystery and much more.
It had some difficult moments when I was faced with my own sinfulness and that of the world. Later in the retreat when I was given this passage from John 21, my reflection led me to watch as Jesus talked to each disciple before coming to me and asking, "Linda, do you love me?" I would have to go back to my journal from that year to recall my response, however, what I do remember is that because of my openness to all that God was desiring to give me that by the end of the retreat I was proclaiming from Elizabeth Barrett Browning's Sonnet, "I love thee to the breadth and depth and height my soul can reach when feeling out of sight."
It would be wonderful if you and I, and married couples could always feel this kind of love for Christ or a spouse. Human as we are, we know we can't always walk on Cloud Nine. Maybe, if we take the time, we can find that place in each of us where we know that love once again. Ignatius called it heartfelt knowledge of Christ's presence and love, and I like to add that it is heartfelt knowledge of our love for Christ.
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